I did not know the fallen blogger Karyn Washington personally. I knew of her as she liked a couple of our posting on Instagram, which led me to explore her mission by visiting her For Brown Girls site and Dark Skin, Red Lip project. I was so touch with sadness when I learned of her death of committing suicide when my mother was scrolling down her facebook page and she saw the post with the shocking news.
According to friends, Washington was suffering from depression and mental illness brought on by the death of her mother in 2013. But unlike her, I do not know how it feel to loose a mom, {as you just read} but I do know how it feel to have an unwanted room-mates name big 'D' as in 'Depression' {no not my sweet friend Diabetes} that bring along panic attacks in some cases. I suffer with it for about a year or two.... read more inside.
Opposed to many African American women I wasn't ashamed to seek medical help and medication for my mental illness. I was not ashamed to heal my mind from it's breaking point, the crisis as my therapist called it. Hunni mental illness is no joke!
It just felt so great to get that professional help to get rid of those hurting and painful thoughts and feelings that was building up inside of me. They was getting out, one day at a time. Lawd...! To know that somebody cared enough to listen, treat and heal me in the process! I was no longer caution to talk about the crisis my mind was experiencing.
Yes darlings talking about it; along with drinking plenty of water throughout the day start to repair me. Outside of my therapist I talked about my pain, my hurt, with my closest siblings and good friend. Oh and did I mention about the times in the middle of the nights when Ms. Panic used to attack, I would gush down bottles of water to control the anxiety.... oh how I learned to talk to my God, and when those conversation started to occur that when the real healing begin.
Chile big 'D' had to go, it could not continue to live rent-free inside of me. Um uh Hunni {smh}... I the landlord was not having it any longer and it was time for an eviction. So I talked about what was causing the break down, and I still do until this day. Talking was my healer, because I was the kind of personality to hold my feelings and pain in until my inner thoughts and mind was about to explored. Now when situating approaches that makes my mind head back in that direction, I think about my eviction, screen my thoughts, and I know you is like how in the heck she screen her thoughts? {Like a background screen when you leasing apartment or get a job... just like that}. Well I carefully go over my thoughts, and talk to myself therefore, I will not let my mind over think the situation that I may be struggling with, then I rebuke it all in his name! God lift me right out of it. No sir I refuse to let myself live with Big 'D' again!
Being strong on the outside, but dying on the inside:
I know that depression is a sign of weakness, especially when your inner thoughts are so deep, and you care and love strong. Oh my how it can mess with the mind. However, like I mention I did not know Karyn Washington, But I cried for her, because I know that crisis that was living rent-free within her. Although her eviction was quite different then mines there still a God now it time for you to rest on, the strom is over. With sincerely condolences to your family ... signed, Divasnap.com.
Thoughts,
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